Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Keep Calm and Carry On

I woke up the next day... I wont lie I was nervous, my partner had an appt at the doctors because he had been feeling so rough. He went off at 8am, little man and I ran around getting ready. Why is it that when you have somewhere to be at a certain time they always seem to know that then is the best time to play up LOL. That morning I remember running around literally like a headless chicken. I got little man ready, then I began to get myself ready. I chose my outfit carefully, needing to feel like I was dressed to face the world. I put my makeup on carefully and when I was satisfied that I didnt look broken, that I looked normal I was ready and knew I could get through what was coming that day. I made sure all the final table top sale bits were ready and attempted to get little man out of the door on time..... It was a cold wet day, Little Man decided that he wasnt going to co-operate and insisted I carry him to preschool. Its a 15 min walk, at this point I was 4 weeks or so post op. I still had a very hoarse voice.... As I carried him to the preschool my phone kept ringing, and I was thinking arrgggh I cant carry him and my bag and answer my phone.

I got to the community centre where the table top sale was taking place, the stall holders where already arriving and luckily the lady I was running it with as already there. Little man was given a cake, and the organising of the 21 stalls began. Finally we got everyone onto their stalls, checked everyone was ok and the buyers began to arrive. We had done a lot of advertising of the event on facebook and I was very touched that friends came from all over town to browse the goodies for sale. Little man went into preschool and I resumed my role of organiser, making sure that everyone was happy and thanking people for coming along to sell and support. I was very lucky that my partner was there that day, it was good to know that if I couldnt cope with it all I could go to him, that he was holding my hand through it all. A few people asked me how I was doing following my operation and I dont recall what I said to them - but I think I pretty much glossed it over with most people... Like I said I didnt want to be 'that girl with cancer' so I was careful about who the C word was mentioned too, in fact I think I only told two people that day.

Looking back on that day I think it was perfect timing for me, it meant I never gave myself the chance to wallow in my diagnosis. I HAD to face the world, I put on a brave face and simply got on with it. It made me realise that I could get through what was happening to me. My motto became Keep Calm and Carry On. A motto that became an anchor for me through the months following my diagnosis. A motto that became my facebook status for a very long time during that initial stage. As I had decided that I didnt want anyone to know that I had cancer I rarely updated facebook. There was a few reasons why I didnt want people to know, not bcos I was ashamed of it, but simply bcos I didnt want to cause any worry, any pain for anyone else unnecesarily. I also couldnt stand the tilty head brigade, I didnt want sympathy. I didnt want the 'oh how are you doing' tilty head comments. I wasnt keen on the idea of being defined by the cancer. I decided that people would only ever find out about my cancer once id beaten it. Success stories are always received better and after all I WAS going to be a success story.

So the Table Top Sale was a massive success for me. It was what paved the way for my positive outlook on my cancer. Coming home from the event on a high was great, I was exhausted but now it was time to find out what was actually going on with the details of my diagnosis. Time to chase down the information the hospital had failed to arm me with... time to start to fight back against these naughty cells.

1 comment:

  1. I like your blog! Fascinating narrative! I wouldn't want the tilty head brigade either...